Insults from a limited view

Insults from a limited view
I wear the boots, they don't wear me

Sunday, December 25, 2011

Silent Night

I wanted to write this blog in chronological order; but this particular Christmas stands out in my mind more than any and I don't really know why but I wanted to share it now rather than later.

Schofield Barracks Hawaii- 2300hrs
24 December 2004

Since I had no family and my then fiance was deployed to support OIF II, I volunteered to take a battle buddy's 24 duty. He had a family and his holiday would be more enjoyable if he were able to stay awake. The NonCommision Officer (NCO) that was on duty with me had just left me to go get the bikes he wanted to set up for his kids before the awoke that morning. It was a clear and starry night. There was a slight chill in the air (keep in mind this is Hawaii and 60 degrees is chilly for someone who has been there for a while). It was 2 in the morning on a Sunday and the night was still. I walked out on the lanai to prevent myself from falling asleep and couldn't help but noticed how bright the stars were.  I thought about the night Christ was born and if the night sky was this clear. For no reason at all, I started singing O Holy Night and I didn't care who heard me. I was alone, but at the same time I suddenly felt at home. When the NCO returned, I helped him assemble his bikes and we finished right before our relief came. I had purchased gifts earlier in the week for a fellow Soldier's kids. I knew that she was having some financial struggles but I didn't want them to think that the gifts came from me. When I arrived at their home I fibbed and told the family that I was instructed to drop off some packages for Santa. Watching the kids react to the toys made my Christmas; knowing that I could do a little something to brighten someone day. Maybe that's why that Christmas in the military sticks out in my mind; the joy I received in serving someone else reminded me of why I joined in the first place. Maybe it's just me.

Friday, December 23, 2011

December 2000

Sitting on a couch in my dorm, I was struggling with decisions that I was running out of time to make. days ago my father informed me on the phone that I couldn't stay home for long. My father's wife had expressed her feelings of me living in her house for an extended period of time. I had a few days to present a plan to them in addition to a timeline of how long I would be home.

Do I stay at school and deal with the pressures of trying to continuing to pay for school on my own (long story) or run off into the sunset and get married (which was out of the question). I know I wanted to experience life and become the person I though I wanted to be. ( I use the term thought because I was 19 and not many 19 year old kids know who they and if they say they do, they're lying to themselves). I knew myself well enough that if I stayed at school I would have gotten married to someone that I was settling for to keep myself from returning to my father's house.

It had been 3 weeks since I had that conversation with dad. The snow was softly falling that night, I had a ton on my mind; I needed to get out. I decided to go and practice from my final for my piano course. Music has always been a source of comfort to me. It doesn't matter what I'm feeling, I can let it all go by banging everything out on the piano.

The song I selected for my final weeks ago was entitled "Onward Christian Soldier". The song is about Christians battling with the growing immorality in the world and standing as an example. I played it some many times, I didn't need to look at the music any longer. As I played, I started thinking about the lyrics of the chorus in a literal sense:

                             Onward Christian Soldier,
                             Marching off to war,
                             With the trump of freedom,
                             Going on before.

Soldier, marching, war, freedom.... the military!!! I grew up with a Marine Corps dad, I couldn't be better prepared!! My Grandpa and I talked about me going in the service during my senior year. We also talked about genealogy and all the members of our family that served in the military.  I can still remember the peace and clarity that came to my mind. I felt confident with my choice and went back to my dorm to work on my time line for my dad. It was a week before Christmas and I was excited and scared to  pursue this new pursuit. During the long walk back in the snow, a thought came to my mind;  this would be my last holiday I would spend with my dad. I didn't know why, but the feeling was so strong and real I couldn't stop myself from crying.

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Insults from a limited view

The phrase, " your mama wore combat boots" was used as an insult during the "your mama" battles beginning around the late 1960's when the Women's Army Corps (WAC) integrated into the regular (all male) Army. It implied that your mother was either unladylike, had a manly appearance or was a lesbian. This also comes from a time when women in the military was almost unheard of and therefore a woman in combat boots was a woman out of her "place".  Who is given the right to determine where anyone's "place" is in this life? It's not my right to determine that and it's doesn't belong to anyone else.

What I know- the time was right for me to be in my boots. I don't see things quite the same as my peers, friends and family. I believe that my experiences in my boots have made me a better person, friend and mother. This is my journey. A lot of what I say could offend, upset or make you laugh. I believe in being candid and there is no benefit by sugar coating reality. My only hope, is that my experiences can benefit my son and help him get through the obstacles that come in life.