Insults from a limited view

Insults from a limited view
I wear the boots, they don't wear me

Friday, December 23, 2011

December 2000

Sitting on a couch in my dorm, I was struggling with decisions that I was running out of time to make. days ago my father informed me on the phone that I couldn't stay home for long. My father's wife had expressed her feelings of me living in her house for an extended period of time. I had a few days to present a plan to them in addition to a timeline of how long I would be home.

Do I stay at school and deal with the pressures of trying to continuing to pay for school on my own (long story) or run off into the sunset and get married (which was out of the question). I know I wanted to experience life and become the person I though I wanted to be. ( I use the term thought because I was 19 and not many 19 year old kids know who they and if they say they do, they're lying to themselves). I knew myself well enough that if I stayed at school I would have gotten married to someone that I was settling for to keep myself from returning to my father's house.

It had been 3 weeks since I had that conversation with dad. The snow was softly falling that night, I had a ton on my mind; I needed to get out. I decided to go and practice from my final for my piano course. Music has always been a source of comfort to me. It doesn't matter what I'm feeling, I can let it all go by banging everything out on the piano.

The song I selected for my final weeks ago was entitled "Onward Christian Soldier". The song is about Christians battling with the growing immorality in the world and standing as an example. I played it some many times, I didn't need to look at the music any longer. As I played, I started thinking about the lyrics of the chorus in a literal sense:

                             Onward Christian Soldier,
                             Marching off to war,
                             With the trump of freedom,
                             Going on before.

Soldier, marching, war, freedom.... the military!!! I grew up with a Marine Corps dad, I couldn't be better prepared!! My Grandpa and I talked about me going in the service during my senior year. We also talked about genealogy and all the members of our family that served in the military.  I can still remember the peace and clarity that came to my mind. I felt confident with my choice and went back to my dorm to work on my time line for my dad. It was a week before Christmas and I was excited and scared to  pursue this new pursuit. During the long walk back in the snow, a thought came to my mind;  this would be my last holiday I would spend with my dad. I didn't know why, but the feeling was so strong and real I couldn't stop myself from crying.

2 comments:

  1. I finally know why you all of a sudden left school for the military. I remember being so sad when you left but it sounds like it was the right decision for you.

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  2. It's always hard to leave people that you love. I was torn; but I knew I would see my adopted family again because I wanted you in my life.

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